In today’s America, young men face unprecedented challenges. Many, especially those in their 20s and early 30s, are still living at home with their parents. A major generational shift has occurred, leaving young men behind, grappling with feelings of purposelessness and uncertainty as they try to navigate a rapidly changing society.
The Current Situation: A Generation Struggling to Stay Afloat
The statistics paint a grim picture. Approximately 20% of young men aged 25 to 34 in the U.S. still live with their parents, compared to just 12% of young women in the same age bracket. This difference highlights a much deeper societal challenge that affects the lives of young men today.
Take Dan and Joana Moreno, a couple from Miami with four grown children. Of their four kids, only their daughter has managed to leave home and build her life independently. After graduating from business school, she got engaged and established herself. Meanwhile, their three sons remain at home, unsure of what their futures hold. The younger two dropped out of college, while the oldest never attended. Their work experience is limited to helping their father in his appliance repair business. “Something has gone amiss here,” Dan says, reflecting on their situation. “We love them, we love having them around, but that’s not how you build a life.”
The Morenos’ story is not an isolated case. Young men across the country face similar struggles. In August of this year, 89% of young men were either working or looking for work—a figure that is 700,000 fewer than would be expected if labor force participation were at 2004 levels. By contrast, the labor participation rate for women in the same age range has increased by six percentage points in the past decade.
These changes are leading many young men to feel “so, so lost,” as Daniel Moreno, one of Dan and Joana’s sons, put it. After dropping out of college in his sophomore year, Daniel found himself at home with no clear plan for the future, and five years later, he is still struggling to move forward. His situation is not uncommon—many young men today feel trapped by a lack of purpose. “Nothing is really stopping me,” Daniel admits, “It’s just myself, standing in my own way.”
What Changed? The Decline of Traditional Roles
To understand why young men are falling behind, it’s important to consider how the world has changed around them. In previous generations, young men could anticipate finding a decent job, settling down, and supporting a family. The path to adulthood was well-defined—centered on becoming a provider. There was an implicit assumption that being male meant opportunities would be available—a job, a family, and a place in society.
But all of that has changed. The decline of traditional male-dominated industries such as manufacturing has reduced the availability of jobs that once offered young men without a college education a ticket to the middle class.
As Richard Reeves, president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, says, “The sense a lot of young men have is not being sure that they are needed or that they are going to be needed by their families, by their communities, by society.” This uncertainty has left many young men feeling directionless.
The Dating Dilemma: Unrealistic Expectations Leaving Women and Men Unfulfilled
The modern dating landscape also plays a significant role in the struggles faced by young men. It has been shaped, in part, by increasingly unrealistic standards among women. Even though fewer people are getting married today, millions still actively seek relationships. In 2020, roughly 44.2 million Americans used online dating services, and that number is expected to grow to 53.3 million by 2025. Despite this, recent studies suggest that women have become significantly more selective, making it challenging for many men to form meaningful connections. Women swipe right only 30% of the time on dating apps, and an OkCupid survey found that 80% of men are considered unattractive by female users. This hyper-selectivity often leaves women unsatisfied, as they overlook potentially compatible men in favor of a narrow pool of “top-tier” candidates who are often interested only in casual relationships.
This hyper-selectivity results in many women feeling disillusioned when these top-tier men do not commit. Dating analyst Alexander (@datepsych on Twitter) shared research showing that only one in 100 male profiles is liked by more than 80% of women. Women are often seeking men who meet extremely high standards—such as wealth, ideal physical features, and high status. These top 1% men may be open to casual flings, but they rarely see hyper-selective women as long-term partners. Meanwhile, suitable men who may not be conventionally attractive or extremely wealthy are completely overlooked. This delusion-driven approach to dating leaves many women locked out of meaningful relationships, chasing men who are uninterested in long-term commitment, while passing over those who could offer genuine partnership and stability.
Symptoms of the Crisis: Loneliness and Missed Opportunities
The struggles that young men face go beyond economic challenges; they are deeply personal as well. Many young men today suffer from loneliness, isolation, and a sense of hopelessness. Men aged 18 to 30, on average, are spending 18% more time alone compared to just a few years ago. This amounts to around 6.6 nonsleeping hours spent in solitude every day—22% more than their female peers.
Not only are young men spending more time alone, but they also report feeling more disconnected from others. Nearly two-thirds of young men surveyed by Equimundo, a gender-equality advocacy group, said that no one really knows them well. About a quarter said they hadn’t seen anyone outside their household in the past week. This growing isolation is having a profound effect on mental health.
As young men withdraw from society, their economic prospects also diminish. Many of these men fall into the NEET category—not in employment, education, or training. In the first half of 2024, about 260,000 more young men than women were classified as NEET. Gary Barker, director of Equimundo, explained, “The more that you’re sitting on the couch as opposed to out in the world, your social network gets narrower, and then you don’t have the social capital or the skills to step into a job.” The longer young men remain isolated, the harder it becomes for them to re-engage with society.
A Bleak Picture: Growing Despair Among Young Men
The consequences of this crisis are alarming. Since 2010, the suicide rate for men aged 25 to 34 has increased by 30%, marking the largest increase among any age group. Men make up nearly three out of every four “deaths of despair,” which include suicides, alcohol abuse, and overdoses. Many young men are drowning in feelings of guilt, anger, and resentment over their inability to meet societal expectations. Ethan Myers, a 25-year-old living with his mother in Maryland, confesses, “I feel like there are many paths, but there is no set goal. The only thing I want to do is to make sure my parents are taken care of.”
Young men are also struggling with substance abuse, often as a way to cope with their hopelessness. For some, the transition into adulthood has been derailed by poor decisions and a lack of understanding of how to moderate their behavior. Take Ronan Convery, a young man who fell into a destructive cycle of partying during college. “I was so ready to be back to hanging out with people in person that I didn’t actually spend the time to think, ‘Hey, are these people I’m hanging out with good people?'” After nearly choking on his own vomit one night, Ronan knew he had to make a change. He moved back home and started working in retail while taking online classes—attempting to put his life back together.
For many young men like Ronan, the journey out of despair is long and filled with obstacles. Without a clear direction, positive role models, or sufficient societal support, young men are left to navigate an increasingly complex world on their own. And for many, the struggle becomes too overwhelming.
The Pressures of Society: Why Are Young Men Falling Behind?
There are multiple root causes of this crisis. Economically, the decline in well-paying blue-collar jobs has left many young men without viable career paths. Industries like manufacturing and construction, which once offered a straightforward route to adulthood, have contracted, replaced by jobs that require different skills or higher education levels. Many young men are finding it difficult to bridge this gap.
Socially, the concept of masculinity is in flux, and there is little consensus on what it means to be a man today. Traditional ideals of masculinity—stoicism, competitiveness, being a provider—are no longer viewed as applicable or even desirable, but new models have not yet taken their place. Young men are told to reject “toxic” masculinity but are given little direction on what to replace it with.
The pandemic further exacerbated the situation, isolating young men from their social circles and support systems. While young women adapted by maintaining connections virtually, young men, who often rely on in-person activities for social interaction, were left isolated. As Richard Reeves notes, “The pandemic has impacted everyone in different ways, but it’s had a disproportionate effect on the group we were already worried about.”
Reclaiming a Generation
America’s young men are in crisis—struggling to find identity, purpose, and a sense of belonging. The traditional paths to adulthood have eroded, and many young men are left without a clear role in society. A mix of economic challenges, shifting social expectations, and a loss of connection to community life has created a perfect storm, leaving a generation struggling to find its place.
The question remains: Can America take a step back and reclaim the traditional roles it has abandoned? Will we be able to rekindle the work ethic and community engagement that young men seem to lack today?
The solution begins with early education, emphasizing values like responsibility, work ethic, and community connection, perhaps through a renewed focus on American exceptionalism to foster pride and direction. But without a serious commitment from parents and communities, this will be a challenging road—especially under what some consider weak and ineffective political leadership. Without intervention, the consequence could be a generation of young men who are lost, lonely, and unable to fulfill their potential—a weak foundation for the future of the country, which has always been built on the strength of its traditional family units and communities.
